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They prided themselves on being alone in appreciating his genius and though, with the contempt of youth for the follies of middle age, they patronised him among themselves, they did not fail to look upon it as a feather in their caps if he had chosen a time when only one was there to be particularly wonderful. Cronshaw never came to Gravier s. For the last four years he had lived in squalid conditions with a woman whom only Lawson had once seen, in a tiny apartment on the sixth floor of one of the most dilapidated houses on the Quai des Grands Augustins Lawson described with gusto the filth, the untidiness, the litter. And the stink nearly blew your head off. Not at dinner, Lawson, expostulated one of the others. But he would not deny himself the pleasure of giving picturesque details of the odours which met his nostril. With a fierce delight in his own realism he described the woman who had opened the door for him. 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Manchester City Shirt Away with them, she cried. It only means that another lot of lazy loafers will make a good thing out of the working classes. My motto is, leave me alone I don t want anyone interfering with me I ll make the best of a bad job, and the devil take the hindmost. D you call life a bad job said Athelny. Never We ve had our ups and downs, we ve had our struggles, we ve always been poor, but it s been worth it, ay. , worth it a hundred times I say when I look round at my children. You do talk, Athelny, she said, looking at him, not with anger but with scornful calm. You ve had the pleasant part of the children, I ve had the bearing of them, and the bearing with them. I don t say that I m not fond of them, now they re there, but if I had my time over again I d remain single. Why, if I d remained single I might have a little shop by now, and four or five hundred pounds in the bank, and a girl to do the rough work. Oh, I wouldn t go over my life again, not for something. Philip thought of the countless millions to whom life is no more than unending labour, neither beautiful nor ugly, but just to be accepted in the same spirit as one accepts the changes of the seasons. Fury seized him because it all seemed useless. He could not reconcile himself to the belief that life had no meaning and yet everything he saw, all his thoughts, added to the force of his conviction. But though fury seized him it was a joyful fury. life was not so horrible if it was meaningless, and he faced it with a strange sense of power. chapter 109 The autumn passed into winter. Philip had left his address with Mrs. Foster, his uncle s housekeeper, so that she might communicate with him, but still went once a week to the hospital on the chance of there being a letter. One evening he saw his name on an envelope in a handwriting he had hoped never to see again. It gave him a queer feeling. For a little while he could not bring himself to take it. It brought back a host of hateful memories. But at length, impatient with himself, he ripped open the envelope. 7 William Street, Fitzroy Square. Dear Phil, Can I see you for a minute or two as soon as possible. I am in awful trouble and don t know what to do. It s not money. Yours truly, Mildred. He tore manchester city shirt away the letter into little bits and going out into the street scattered them in the darkness. I ll see her damned, he muttered. A feeling of disgust surged up in him at the thought of seeing her again. He did not care if she was in distress, it served h.red three whole days holiday. I say, why don t you come over to Paris then he suggested. We d have such a ripping time. How could you It would cost no end of money. Philip had thought of that. It would cost at least five and twenty pounds. It was a large sum to him. He was willing to spend his last penny on her. What does that matter Say you ll come, darling. What next, I should like to know. I can t see myself going away with a man that I wasn t married to. You oughtn t to suggest such a thing. What does it matter He enlarged on the glories of the Rue de la Paix and the garish splendour of the Folies Bergeres. He described the Louvre and the Bon Marche. He told her about the Cabaret du Neant, the Abbaye, and the various haunts to which foreigners go. He painted in glowing colours the side of Paris which he despised. He pressed her to come with him. You know, you say you love me, but if you really loved me you d want to marry me. You ve never asked me to marry manchester city shirt away you. You know I can t afford it. After all, I m in my first year, I shan t earn a penny for six years. Oh, I m not blaming you. I wouldn t marry you if you went down on your bended knees to me. He had thought of marriage more than once, but it was a step from which he shrank. In Paris he had come by the manchester city shirt away opinion that marriage was a ridiculous institution of the philistines. He knew also that a permanent tie would ruin him. He had middle class instincts, and it seemed a dreadful thing to him to marry a waitress. A common wife would prevent him from getting a decent practice. Besides, he had only just enough money to last him till he was qualified he could not keep a wife even if they arranged not to have children. He thought of Cronshaw bound to a vulgar slattern, and he shuddered with dismay. He foresaw what Mildred, with her genteel ideas and her mean mind, would become it was impossible for him to marry her. But he decided only with his reason he felt that he must have her whatever happened and if he could not get her without marrying her he would do that the future could look manchester city shirt away after itself. It might end in disaster he did not care. 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